Nils In Wonderland (PG-13)

Titre: Nils In Wonderland
Langue: anglais
Couple: Nils x Davey
Catégorie: fluff; comedy
Notes: Basé sur "Alice au Pays des Merveilles". En deux parties à cause de la longueur.

Nils in Wonderland

“Nils!”

The boy stirred in a half-sleep state, muttering as his co-worker jabbed an elbow in his ribs.
“Nils! Wake up, you dumbass!”

He painfully opened his eyes, rubbing his eyelids with his brandy-scented fingers. “Uh?”
“The boss is gonna kill you if you fall asleep!”
Nils nodded, still barely awake. “Yeah. Fine. Sure. Whatever.”
He mechanically reached for his notepad and pen, and walked to the other side of the bar counter.
He glanced at his friend. “Whose order do I have to take?” he asked, bored.
“These guys over there.” The young man pointed a table where a middle-aged couple was sitting. “I already did these for you.” He pointed in another direction.

Nils followed his mate’s movement with drowsy eyes, and immediately recognized the man he was pointing. His eyes widened. “Is that...?”
The boy nodded. “Yep. I served Davey Havok while you where sleeping. Sucks for you, uh?”
At that moment, Nils’ heart nearly jumped out of his chest.
“Davey...Havok?” he repeated, incredulous. “You mean, the Davey Havok? AFI’s frontman?”
“Do you honestly know a lot of guys named Davey Havok?” he asked, amused. “Yeah, that one.”

As they were chatting, the said man, wearing a fitted burgundy shirt and tight vinyl pants, looked in their direction. He ran his perfectly manicured nails in his hair, revealing aquamarine eyeshadow over his eyes, and smiled. He locked his free hand’s slender fingers on a rabbit-shaped pendant inlaid with black stones he was wearing to his neck.

“Did he just...smile at me?” Nils felt his cheeks flush to a shade of rosy pink. “He was looking at me, wasn’t he?”
“Dude, you sound like one of those underage fangirls.” The boy smirked. “That’s kinda creepy.”
“But heck – it’s DAVEY HAVOK!”

The man’s smile faded as he heard his own name being pronounced by the young waiter. He rose from his seat, and walked toward the door in a fast pace.

“Shit...!” Nils dropped his notepad and pencil on the floor, and ran after the man.
“Wait! Nils!” His friend shouted behind him, picking up the items he dropped. “Nils! Ah, damn...”

x x x

Outside, the cold, sharp winter wind was freezing Nils to the bone. He shuddered, and clasped his hands on his forearms, rubbing them as he tried to find the man somewhere on the street. “Where did he go?”

His eyes finally locked on his distinct silhouette, on the other side of the street. Oddly, the cold December weather didn’t seem to bother him.

“Davey! Davey, please, come back!” Nils panted as he tried to reach him without getting hit by one of the passing cars.

Davey simply walked away calmly, making his way through the crowd and all the way to a dark, narrow alleyway.

Nils followed him, a tad pissed off by his idol’s indifference, but still thrilled at the thought of possibly meeting him.

As he turned around the corner, Nils completely lost track of the man. It was as if he had never been there. Still trying to catch his breath, he mentally cursed himself for not running fast enough.

It took him a few seconds to notice the hole in the ground, where a manhole cover should have been. Curious, he peeked inside, and was shocked by the complete absence of darkness. Instead, it was filled with light, almost blinding. The air inside carried a certain warmth, and even the scent of freshly baked cinnamon buns.

“Here goes nothing”, he whispered to himself as he jumped through the hole, his fingers crossed.

x x x

Colors danced and blurred before Nils’ eyes as he fell and fell endlessly. He felt like he was waltzing and blending with every single one of them, becoming a part of what he was seeing. He was falling down an infinite rainbow tunnel, a path to what he expected to be nothing less than Wonderland.

He landed on his feet, as lightly as a feather or a leaf would have. Dizzy, he blinked, his eyes slowly adjusting to the bright colors and focusing on the scenery all around him.

Nils was standing in the center of a small room. Everything – the tables, the chairs, the picture frames - were smaller than they should have been. The tiny cupboard was filled with tiny porcelain cups and tiny plates. The tiny vanity had tiny brushes and tiny pots of colored powder on its top. Every piece of furniture was perfectly sized for a child’s height, except for a round glass table, with a large silver key on it.

The boy grabbed it, and looked around for a door that could be opened. He noticed a violet curtain, which he pushed aside to reveal a small wooden door, about twenty inches high. He inserted the key in the keyhole, and it fitted perfectly. He opened the door, and kneeled down to look at what was on the other side. All he could see were small trees, and a tiny path leading to a forest.

“How am I supposed to get in there?” he asked himself out loud.
He lifted his head, only to bang it against the table. He cursed, rubbing it with one hand. “Goddamn table...!”
He looked at it again: there was a bottle on it, which he was certain he had not seen before. He carefully took it between his index and his thumb, delicately lifting the paper tag attached to it with his other hand, and read the inscription on it out loud: “Drink Me.”

He shrugged. “Oh well.” He looked at the bottle as if he was talking to it. “Usually, I never do that on the first date, but I’ll make an exception for you.” He lifted it to his lips, and drank the liquid in one gulp. He found its taste quite similar to cherry-flavored cough syrup.

The change was immediate: the boy shrunk instantly, becoming just the right size to get through the door he had opened earlier, which he did in a hurry. After all, he had only one thing in mind: to find Davey.

x x x

The forest was quite dark and gloomy, and Nils felt a little uneasy. The silence was anything but comforting, and the echo of his footsteps on the paved road was making him nervous.

At some point, the road divided in two paths, both leading in opposite directions.
“Oh, great. Now what?”

“Where are you going?” an unfamiliar voice behind him asked.
Nils turned around quickly, trying to catch a glimpse of his interlocutor. “Who’s there?”
“Me,” said a grin floating midair, with no face nor body attached to it.
The boy stared at the strange vision. “Who are you?”
“Pete the Cat,” the grin answered casually.
“A grin without a cat,” Nils mused. “It's the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!”

Pete’s features appeared slowly, his whole body then becoming visible. He wasn’t entirely feline; he had a human’s body, from what Nils could see, apart from cat ears and a tail.
“So, where are you going?”
Nils pondered for a moment. “Actually, I don’t know. Where are these roads heading to?”

“The one to the right will bring you back home,” the cat boy explained. “The one to the left will take you deeper into Wonderland.”
“I’m looking for someone...so I guess I’ll have to choose the path to the left.”
“If I were you, I’d just go home.”
“Not until I find who I’m looking for.”
“Home is a smarter choice. Don’t stay here.”
“I don’t intend to head home right now.”
“Don’t you miss home? You damn well should.”
“Are you deaf or what? I said I wasn’t planning to go back home yet.”
“There’s really no place like home.”

Nils clenched his fists furiously. “Look, unless we’re in the land of Oz and your name is Glinda the Fairy, I don’t think I should take any advice from you.”
Pete’s jaw dropped. “Ungrateful boy. I was only trying to help you.” His body started to disappear again, and soon only his voice remained. “Don’t blame me if you get in trouble. I warned you.”

x x x

True to his first idea, perhaps out of pride, Nils had decided to venture deeper in the forest following the path to the left, which lead him to some kind of meadow, with a huge mushroom in its center.

Nils found the mushroom quite out of place at first, but then considered that he had seen much stranger things so far. The strangest of those things, though, was probably the Caterpillar man sitting on top of the mushroom. The four-armed androgynous man dressed in fine black clothes was shrouded in a haze of thick purple smoke, coming from either the hookah he was holding or from between his vermillion lips.

“What do you want?” he asked in a languid, sleepy voice.
Nils coughed as the cloud of smoke reached him. “I’m looking for someone.”
“Who? Be more precise.”
“I...uh, well...” Nils pondered for a moment, then said, “I’m looking for a man, but I’m not even sure if he’s here. In fact, I can’t be certain of anything around here. Everything is so queer in this place!”
The Caterpillar man raised one eyebrow. “You’re the one looking for a man, and yet you complain about how queer this place is? What a strange boy you are.” He sighed, and extended one of his three free hands. “I’m Brian.”
Nils shook it a bit reluctantly. “I’m Ni...”
“I didn’t ask for your name.” He placed his hookah back between his lips.
“Well, that’s a bit rude, sir. Come to think of it, everyone is rude around here.”
“If you don’t like it, just go away.”
“I can’t! I’m looking for someone.”
“Well then, you should have told me.”
“But I did!”
Brian smoked some more. “What a strange boy you are”, he whispered to himself.

“Okay, that’s it! If you can’t help me, I’ll just find a way by myself!”
He began to leave, but the Caterpillar called for him. “Wait! Come back. I’ve got something important to say!”
It sounded promising; Nils obeyed, swallowing down his anger. “Yes?”
“With that size, you won’t get anywhere. You should know that one side will make you shorter, and the other side will make you smaller.”
“One side of what? The other side of what?” The boy was exasperated.
“Of the mushroom, silly!”

Before Nils could ask which side had what effect, the Caterpillar vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving only his hookah behind.
“Oh, great. Just great.” The boy picked a side of the mushroom at random, and grabbed a piece out of it. “Let’s hope this works.” He didn’t like the idea of getting even smaller, but took a bite out of the mushroom anyways. What else could he do?

Fortunately, it worked; Nils grew taller and taller (to a point where he even squashed the mushroom he had been standing next to a minute ago, but it was the least of his concerns), until he reached his normal height again.

When he looked around, he realized that he was still surrounded by trees, or at least tall plants; but this time they were aligned in clean viridian hedges. He was standing in front a long table, which had five empty chairs. Three men were already sitting at the other end of the table, drinking from porcelain teacups and eating pastries. Their names were written in large red letters stitched on their top hats: Tré, Mike and Billie Joe. Tré was trying to snort the sprinkles from one of his donuts, Mike was mixing his beverage with what looked like a spork, and Billie Joe was sleeping with his chin in his plate.

“And I thought I had weird habits”, Nils said under his breath.

He walked up to the nearest chair, and pulled it to sit. “Hi, I’m…”
“Taken!” Tré screamed, dropping the donut in his lap. “This place is taken!”
“What? But no one’s there!”
“So? Someone might sit there eventually! Ha!” Mike added triumphantly.
“But what if I was the one who was supposed to sit there, uh?”
The two men pondered for a moment, until Billie Joe spoke in his sleep.
“Let him sit next to me”, he said. He yawned, his eyes still closed.
The men agreed whole-heartedly. “Sit next to us! Sit next to us!” They chanted enthusiastically.
Nils accepted the invitation, sitting next to the sleeping man. “Thanks.”
Mike handed him a teacup. “Would you like some coffee?”
The boy looked puzzled. “Coffee? Shouldn’t you be drinking tea?”
The man frowned. “Shouldn’t you be wearing a blue dress with a nice little white apron?” He watched the boy’s expression change, and smirked, satisfied. “Don’t ask stupid questions.”
“Err, fine.” He looked inside the cup, which was empty. “Can someone hand me the teapot, please?”
“Why?” Billie Joe asked before starting to snore.
“My cup is empty.”
Mike frowned. “So what?”
“Well, you asked me if I wanted coffee!”
Tré was the one to reply. “We asked you if you wanted coffee; we never said you’d get any.”
“Besides, we only have tea”, Mike added.
Nils was quickly becoming angry, and it was quite audible in his exasperated voice. “Fine, then. Can I have tea?”
“How rude!” Tré gasped. “Can’t you just be happy with what you’ve got?
“But you gave me nothing!”
Mike threw his spork, which landed in the boy’s plate. “Well, giving you nothing is better than not giving you anything!” He paused, and thought about what he just said. “I guess…”

Nils rose up from his seat, furious. “You guys are just stupid!”

He turned around and walked up to the hedge to his right. “How do I get through this?” He extended his arm and brushed the leaves with his hand. The second he touched them, a large vine came out of it and bound his arm, pulling him inside.

Nils struggled to free his arm as he shouted for help, but in vain – the three men acted as if they couldn’t hear him.

The vine soon constricted his entire body and forced his passage through the hedge, before spitting him on the other side into what looked like a vast courtyard or garden.

The boy fell on his knees, finally free from the plant. He rubbed his sore and bruised arm, cussing. He raised his head and examined the strange place he was in. There was only grass all over the place, except from a row of bushes full of neon pink rose. Right in front of him, perhaps thirty meters away, there was a heart-shaped throne that had the exact same color as the flowers that surrounded it. On it was sitting a slender figure - which Nils assumed to be a man since it was the only thing he had encountered so far – in a tight and short red vinyl dress. He was wearing a silver tiara on top of his long fuchsia hair, but it was really his pink lipstick contrasting with his pale skin that caught the boy’s attention.

Having seen Nils, he invited him to come closer. “Come here, kid. I’m not gonna hurt you.”
His voice wasn’t exactly manly, but certainly far from feminine, though his manners said the opposite. He snapped his fingers. “Come here, I said. Let me look at your face, kid.”

The boy obeyed reluctantly, not liking being called a “kid”, even though this was no ordinary situation.

“What’s your name, kid? Don’t be afraid.” The man pressed his cold fingers against Nils’ cheeks and looked at every angle of his face. “You sure are fine-looking. Come on, tell me your name.”

“Nils.” The boy gulped, slightly intimidated. “Nils Coyte, sir.”

He regretted his last word when he felt the man slap him with one swift move. “How dare you! I’m Jeffree Star, Queen of Hearts! Don’t you know that? Queen of the Beautifuls! You should be ashamed of what you just said!”

“I’m sorry miss, I...”

Slap.
“What did you just say?! This is becoming insulting! I’m not a man, nor a woman! I’m Jeffree Star, kid! Don’t you fuckin’ forget that!”

Nils was soon becoming infuriated due to the Queen’s behavior. “Look, I never asked to be stuck in this place full of you schizo people! Get off my back already!”

Jeffree’s pale face soon turned to a shade of dark red as he clenched his fists. “You little...!”

Fortunately, he was interrupted by a guard, who had appeared from somewhere behind the large throne. He was wearing a red and white costume with the shape of a diamond stitched on it. “Your Majesty,” he said, panting, “we caught the culprit.”

The Queen coughed, and straightened his back. “Good. Bring him to me, then.” He glared at Nils, which the boy interpreted as an invitation to step aside.

Two guards walked in, and they looked quite young. They were both brown-haired, but the smaller one’s distinctive feature was his makeup – paint artfully-applied on his cheek representing a flock of birds. He seemed rather calm and collected, while the other looked rather proud and gleeful. They wore matching black and white costumes, with either a spade or a clover on their shirt. They were both tugging their prisoner’s clothes, who Nils recognized immediately.

“Davey!”

The man looked at him vaguely, forcing a smile.

Jeffree didn’t pay attention. “Hello, gorgeous. Do you know why you’re here?”
Davey nodded affirmatively. “Yes, my Queen.”
Nils felt a shiver run down his spine when he heard the man’s voice. He still couldn’t believe he was standing next to him.
The Queen frowned. “Would you mind telling us what your crime is, my pretty?”
Davey smirked, his eyes glowing with malice. “Oh, but I’d love to.” He looked at Nils, as if he was talking to him exclusively. “I stole the Queen’s makeup case...”
Jeffree nodded. “Exactly.”
“...but I was disappointed because there was only cheap stuff in there”, he added, satisfied.

The Queen rose from his seat, becoming angry again. “That’s it! I’ve heard enough! Chop his head off!”

“No!” Nils protested, suddenly reacting. He rushed between Jeffree and Davey, his look fierce and daring. “Don’t touch him!” He tried to act brave, but his body was shaking uncontrollably.

“Oh, but you deserve the same fate, you little brat!” Jeffree exclaimed. “Chop their head off! NOW!”

“Yes, my Queen,” the two guards replied simultaneously.

Nils turned around to face Davey, his eyes suddenly filled with tears. “I’m sorry!” he apologized, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault. He simply wished he could have done something to help Davey, but now they were both about to be executed.

Davey shook his head. “It’s my fault for bringing you here. I’m the one who should apologize.” He looked at Jeffree. “Prisoners about to be executed can have one last request granted. I assume you’ll follow that rule.”

The Queen sighed and agreed, angrily fluttering his long eyelashes. “Fine, bastard. What do you want?”

“A kiss”, the man simply answered, as if it was the most common thing to ask for.

“Aww, honey.” Jeffree smiled. “That’s kind of flattering, but...”

“Not you,” Davey corrected. “The boy. Nils.”

Nils blushed, surprised by Davey’s answer, but also surprised by the sudden excitement and happiness he was feeling.

Jeffree crossed his arms. “I’ll always despise you and your lack of good taste in men, Davey...but go for it.”

The prisoner wriggled his chained arms. “Can you guys take these off?” he asked to the guards. “I want a real kiss, and I want my hands free.”

The smaller, serious-looking guard took a key out of his pocket and, without a word, unlocked the shackles and chains.

“Thank you.”

Davey placed a hand on Nils’ shoulder, and drew closer to his face, his lips millimeters away from the boys’ ear. “Hold on to my hand and follow me,” he whispered so only Nils would hear him. “Run as fast as you can.”

In a fraction of second, the two men were running away from the Queen and his guards, holding each other’s hand. They could hear the Queen’s yells in the distance, and the guards’ footsteps coming nearer.

Davey stopped suddenly, and Nils was forced to do the same. The man grasped the gold pocket watch that was hanging from his belt, and opened it.
“Hold my hand”, he asked Nils again, and turned the clock’s arms so they would indicate 3:36.

A strong wind swept, swirling around the two men. Nils closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Davey’s hand.

x x x

When he opened his eyes again, they were back in the rabbit hole, to his own astonishment. “How did you do that?”

“Magic”, Davey answered with a somewhat comforting smile. When he smiled, it made Nils forget all of his worries and questions. All but one.

“Davey...why did you bring me here?”

The man’s smile widened. “Isn’t that obvious? I like you.”

The boy wanted to scream “but you nearly got us killed!” at the top of his lungs, but assumed it would just ruin the moment.

“Don’t worry, I’ll send you back home now.”

Nils instinctively grasped the man’s wrist. “No, please! I mean, I...”

Davey laughed. “Ah, that’s right... I’m sorry, I completely forgot. I owe you something, don’t I?”

He gently pressed his lips against the boy’s, kissing him softly. “There you go.”

Nils smiled, but his eyes betrayed his infinite sadness, missing the man’s warmth and proximity as soon as he had broken the kiss. “I really have to leave, right? There’s no other option? I mean, can’t I stay with you? I swear I won’t bother you! You won’t even notice I’m there!”

The man laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Go back home. I promise we’ll meet again soon enough.”

The sound of Davey’s voice faded as the strong wind swept again. Nils closed his eyes, his arms raised and reaching forward, in a vain and blind attempt to get a hold of the man’s hand.

x x x

“Nils!”

The boy stirred in a half-sleep state, muttering as his co-worker jabbed an elbow in his ribs.
“Nils! Wake up, you dumbass!”

He painfully opened his eyes, rubbing his eyelids with his brandy-scented fingers. “Uh?”
“The boss is gonna kill you if you fall asleep!”
Nils nodded, still barely awake.

It took him a moment to remember his dream.
He lifted his index and pressed it against his lips, certain that Davey’s warmth had been too real to be a figment of his imagination. “Davey...” he whispered almost inaudibly to himself.

“What’s that dumb look on your face about?”
“Nothing”, Nils replied quickly, grabbing his notepad and his pen. “I just had a weird dream, that’s all.”
“Blonde?”
Nils blinked. “What?”
“Was she a blonde?” his friend asked again. “Or a redhead? A brunette, perhaps?”
The boy rolled his eyes. “Perv. It wasn’t that kind of dream.”

He walked to the other side of the bar counter.
“Whose order do I have to take, now?”
The young man pointed at a table in the far left corner of the restaurant. “That guy right there.”
Nils’ heartbeat accelerated. “Is that...?”
His friend nodded, grinning. “Yeah. I know you’re a huge fan of AFI, so I thought you’d like to take his order.”
“Davey...” Nils mused, uncertain. He looked at his friend, still in shock. “Thank you so much.”
“No prob’, fanboy.”

Nils walked to the table where Davey was sitting. His hands trembling, he asked, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Sure, Nils.”
The boy’s eyes widened. “You remember?!”
Davey smiled. “Actually, I read it on your shirt.”
Nils blushed, embarrassed, his fingers touching the rectangular plastic tag. “Oh. Yeah. I see.”
“I’ll have a vegan chocolate milkshake, please.”
“Okay. Sure. I’ll be back in a second. Just...wait here.”

He was kind of disappointed, but would certainly not admit it to himself. After all, he was still standing in front of the one and only Davey Havok. That was better than a dream, wasn’t it?

As he turned to leave, he felt the man’s hand clasping on his own. “Nils?”
The boy turned around to face him again, startled. “Yeah?”
“You dropped this,” he said, handing him a card.

Nils looked at it, confused at first; but then he smiled.
It was an ace of hearts, and there was a phone number scribbled at the bottom.